Liars' Bar

(Heaton/Rotheray)
Well sitting in a bar alone 
where no-one knows your name 
is like laying in a graveyard 
wide awake 
You're scared that if you cough or yawn 
you might wake up the dead 
So pretend to read a paper 
or just drink instead 

I'm a stand-up comedian 
but I'd sit down if I could 
The world just seems 
to want folk like me to stand 
And the punch-lines seem to disappear 
like clouds across the sky 
And the laughter could be real 
or could be canned 

Rum by the kettle drum 
Whiskey by the jar 
At Liar's Bar 

Well living with a lying man 
could never really hurt 
But living with a drunk 
well no-one deserves 
And you're looking for your husband 
you're not sure he's still alive 
Don't bother with the cemetery 
he'll be down at liar's dive 

I'm a travelling businessman 
I just stopped in for one drink 
You'll find 
that I'm not like the other men 
Their noses are red 
whilst mine is only pink 
And they didn't choose their drink 
their drink chose them 

Rum by the kettle drum 
Whiskey by the jar 
At Liar's Bar 

And the grave-digger's smiling 
at his reflection in his spade 
He's visiting the seediest 
the shallowest of graves 
The vocal chords of elephants 
and the characters of mice 
They're singing "whisky, whisky" 
so good they named it twice 

Well don't pass buildings with lights on 
if I said that I did I'd have lied 
'Cause what looks like a Chinese restaurant 
may have Chinese New Year inside 
And son all my life I've been searching 
the bars I've been in I forget 
The lights outside ever brighter 
but a light on the inside not yet 

Rum by the kettle drum 
Whiskey by the jar 
At Liar's Bar 

And he's a world-wide traveller 
he's not like me or you 
But he comes in mighty regular 
for one who's passing through 
That one came in his work clothes 
he's missed his last bus home 
He's missed a hell of a lot of buses 
for a man who wants to roam 

If I look rough I am rough 
If I look sad I am 
If I look broke I am broke 
Just a broke down piece of man 

I've turned over enough leaves 
to fill an autumn 
and if I had one final wish 
I'd be your slave for a decade 
if you could take me away from this 
If you took me away from this 
I'd be different you'd see 
'Cause I didn't choose the drink 
a drink just chose me 

Rum by the kettle drum 
Whiskey by the jar 
At Liar's Bar 

Well I'm smoking like a chimney 
And I'm drinking like a fish 
At Liar's Bar